pm. 


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MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER 
AND  THE  HINDU 


A  COMEDY  IN  ONE  ACT 


BY 

MARY  MONCURE  PARKER 

.    AUTHOR  OF 

?  Old  Oaken  Bucket''  ''Shadows,"  "Jolly  Monologues"  ''Merry 
Monologues"  Etc, 


CHICAGO 
T.  S.  DENISON  &  COMPANY 
Publishers 


Mrs.  Hoops-Hooper  and  the  Hindu 

To  Be  Played  By  Twelve  Women. 


CHARACTERS. 

Mrs.  Hoops-Hooper  An  Earnest  Truth-Seeker 

Geraldine  Hoops-Hooper    .Her  Unenlightened  Daughter 

Mrs.  High  Warbler  With  an  Artistie  Voice 

Mrs.  F.  a.  D.  Rusher  '.With  an  Artistic  Sense 

Mrs.  Vere  Leeb.   With  an  Artistic  Pen 

Mrs.  a.  Dabbler  With  an  Artistic  Urge 

Miss  Maude  Innit  With  an  Artistic  Mind 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date  With  an  Artistic  Soul 

Annie  Flanigan  A  Teinperamental  Cook 

Mrs.  Nicolo  Cosmo  An  Unhappy  Wife 

Ching  Loo  An  Oriental  House  Boy 

Sarabanda  Sang  A  Torchbearer  of  Truth 


Scene — The  Living  Room  of  the  Hoops-Hooper  Home. 


Time — The  Present. 


Time  of  Playing — About  Thirty-five  Minutes. 


copyright,  1921,  BY  MARY  MONCURE  PARKER. 


2 


^11 

MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  3 

TYPES  AND  COSTUMES. 

Mrs.  Hoops-Hooper — Middle  aged ;  well  gowned  for  a 
small  afternoon  affair,  in  modern  dress. 

Geraldine  Hoops-Hooper — A  young  girl  about  16  or  18; 
wears  a  street  coat  and  hat  which  she  lays  aside,  disclosing 
a  pretty  gown,  suitable  for  street  or  an  afternoon  affair. 

Maude  Innit — A  young  woman  in  a  pretty,  modern,  up- 
to-date  frock  and  hat. 

Mrs.  Warbler,  Mrs.  Rusher,  Mrs.  Leeb,  Mrs.  Dabbler, 
Mrs.  Up-to-Date — Smartly  gowned  society  women  of  any 
age,  supposedly  between  35  or  45 — or  older  or  younger, 
according  to  the  players.  As  the  time  is  supposed  to  be  the 
fall  of  the  year,  light  fur  scarfs  and  wraps  may  be  worn. 
A  variety  of  colors  is  attractive  on  the  stage. 

Sarabanda  Sang — A  Hindu  ;  wears  a  man's  long  Hindu 
robe,  preferably  light  and  embroidered,  with  a  turban 
wrapped  about  the  head.  The  robe  may  be  elaborate  or 
simple.  This  character  must  be  taken  by  a  tall  and  sedate 
person,  and  the  skin  must  be  darkened.  (This  part  may 
be  taken  by  a  man  or  woman.) 

Annie  Flanigan — A  young,  pert,  up-to-date  maid,  wear- 
ing clothes  that  are  an  attempt  at  fashion,  with  a  grotesque 
twist.    She  carries  a  suitcase. 

Mrs.  Nicolo  Cosmo — An  ItaHan  woman ;  wears  a  full 
skirt,  bright  colored  apron,  handkerchief  about  the  neck, 
shawl  and  big  hoop  earrings.  Her  hair  is  black,  parted  in 
the  middle  and  very  smooth.  Her  skin  should  be  slightly 
darkened. 

Ching  Loo — A  Chinese  house  boy,  with  pigtail;  wears 
Chinese  coat  and  trousers  (man's  outfit),  of  silk  or  cotton. 
Should  be  played  by  a  small,  slight  person.  The  skin  must 
be  yellowed  with  make-up.  (This  part  may  be  taken  by 
woman  or  man.) 


4  MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


NOTES  ON  STAGING. 

The  time  of  the  play  is  the  present  and  the  costumes  are 
modern. 

The  two  parts  supposedly  for  men  may  be  easily  taken 
by  women.  This  play  was  written  for  a  woman's  club  and 
was  successfully  produced  with  women  constituting  the  en- 
tire cast.  The  Hindu  character  was  taken  by  a  tall  woman, 
the  Chinese  character  by  one  who  was  smaller  and  slight. 
The  complexions  were  darkened  with  harmless  grease  paints 
of  the  appropriate  hues.  The  Chinaman  is  of  the  old- 
fashioned,  conservative  type  and  wears  a  queue.  This 
makes  the  character  more  in  keeping  and  picturesque,  as 
well  as  affording  good  contrast  to  the  modern  society  gowns 
of  the  rest  of  the  characters  in  the  play.  The  Hindu  cos- 
tume also  gives  a  picturesque  touch. 

In  order  to  make  any  play  successful,  the  lines  must  be 
correctly  given  and  cues  watched,  so  that  the  play  may  move 
with  spirit  and  dash.  ''Asides''  must  be  given  in  a  loud 
voice  so  that  audience  may  understand.  This  is  stage  license, 
of  course. 

The  action  must  be  lively.  All  the  exits  and  entrances 
have  been  carefully  studied  to  avoid  any  stage  waits. 

This  play  meets  a  demand  for  plays  that  are  up-to-date 

for  women.   ^ 

STAGE  PROPERTIES. 

Living  room  table. 
Four  light  chairs. 
Two  large  chairs. 

Couch  or  davenport  holding  four  persons. 

Tea  cart. 

Two  small  trays. 

Bell  on  table. 

Eight  cups  and  saucers. 

Cream  and  sugar  set. 

Plate  with  cookies. 

Tea  pot  (need  not  be  filled). 

Incense  and  incense  jar. 

Mrs.  Hoops-Hooper's  handbag,  containing  money,  on  table. 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  S 


STAGE  PLOT. 


Use  the  entrances  as  marked  by  the  author,  as  the  play  is  worked 
out  in  this  way.  Door  right  leads  on  into  the  house.  Door  left 
leads  to  street  entrance.  Both  doors  have  interior  backings.  Mrs. 
Cosmo  enters  from  right  as  she  is  supposed  to  have  come  in  through 
the  kitchen. 


STAGE  DIRECTIONS. 

R,  means  right  of  stage;  C,  center;  R,  C,  right  center; 
L.,  left;  R.  D.,  door  right;  L.  D.,  door  left;  up  stage,  away 
from  footlights ;  doivn  stage,  near  footlights.    The  actor  is  , 
supposed  to  be  facing  the  audience. 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Scene:  The  living  room  of  the  Hoops-Hooper  home. 
An  attractive  boxed  interior,  with  doors  up  R.  and  L.,  sup- 
posed to  lead  on  into  the  house  and  toward  the  street  en-i 
trance  respectively.  A  library  table  up  C,  against  flat,  with 
a  light  chair  on  either  side.  An  incense  jar  and  a  bell  on 
the  table.  A  commodious  overstuffed  couch  or  davenport 
down  L.  C.  Two  large  chairs  and  two  small  chairs  naturally 
arranged  down  R.  C.  If  the  couch  is  too  small  to  hold  four 
persons  easily,  more  chairs  will  be  needed.  Other  proper- 
ties as  desired,  to  complete  the  set.  This  is  the  home  of 
people  of  means,  and  the  scene  should  reflect  quality  and  a 
fair  degree  of  taste. 

At  the  rise  of  the  curtain  Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  crosses 
and  exits  L.  Annie  Flanigan,  in  hat  and  coat  and  with 
suitcase  in  hand,  enters  L.  almost  immediately,  followed  by 
Ching  Loo.   She  turns  and  stares  at  him  in  amazement, 

Annie.  For  the  love  of  Mike,  and  phwat  kind  of  a  j'int 
have  I  struck?   A  Chink  in  pajamas! 

Ching  Loo.  Ally — ki-yi — koo-koo.  Havey  tlair.  {Points 
to  chair.) 

Annie.  Begorry!  Ye  sound  loike  a  cuckoo  clock.  Cut 
out  the  chop-suey  talk.  Is  this  the  home  of  Mrs.  PIoops- 
Hooper? 

Ching  Loo.  Les.  Havey  tlair.  She  come.  {Exits  R.) 
(Annie  gazes  after  him  and  crosses  L.) 

Annie.  Hiven  hilp  me!  I'll  not  dismiss  me  taxi  till  I 
find  out  if  this  is  the  right  place.  It  looks  all  right  but  the 
Chink — an'  thin  the  quare  name  of  her — Hoops-Hooper — 
like  the  whoopin'  cough. 

Mrs.  Hoops-Hooper  enters  R. 

Mrs.  Hooper.   You  wish  to  see  me? 
Annie.    Sure,  I  came  from  the  intilligences  office  and 

6 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


7 


you  were  high  ricomminded  to  me.  But  I  don't  want  to 
run  into  no  Chink  j'int  and  be  murdered. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Why,  what  on  earth  do  you  mean?  You 
must  be  careful  what  you  say. 

Annie.  Now,  jist  a  minute.  It's  me  is  careful,  spakin' 
to  nobody  if  I  knows  I'm  right.  Me  gittin'  $30  a  wake  fer 
cookin'  only  an'  don't  have  to  worrit  about  places  which  is 
always  comin'  thick  and  fast.  I  understood  you  was  in 
great  nade  of  a  lady  to  cook. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (hastily).  Yes,  yes.  I  do  wish  some  one 
at  once.  I  meant  no  offence.  Have  a  chair.  (Motions  to  a 
seat.)  (Mrs.  Hooper  sits  R,,  Annie  on  couch,  L,)  My 
cook  left  in  a  hurry  as  her  mother  was  ill,  and  my  second 
maid  is  ill  too.  I  am  expecting  a  few  friends  shortly.  You 
need  not  worry  about  Ching  Loo.  He  is  my  house  man. 
I  brought  him  from  California.  He  will  not  bother  you 
at  all. 

Annie.  Sure,  I  ain't  raley  afraid  of  him  much.  That  is, 
I'd  pull  the  pigtail  offen  him  if  he  worrited  me. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (in  a  conciliatory  tone).  You  will  stay, 
won't  you  ?   May  I  ask  your  name  ? 

Annie.    Miss  Annie  Flanigan,  mum. 

Mrs.  Hooper.    Well,  Annie — 

Annie  (interrupting).    Miss  Flanigan,  plaze. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Miss  Flanigan,  you  were  highly  spoken 
of  at  the  office  and  I  wish  you  tO'  stay.  You  can  send  for 
.your  trunk  later. 

Annie.   Well,  I  don't  know  about  stayin' — 

Mrs.  Hooper.    I  will  give  you  $35  a  week. 

Annie.  All  right.'  I'll  try  it,  mum.  It  sames  loike  a 
nice  lookin'  place — barrin'  the  Chinyman. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Ching  Loo  will  dismiss  your  taxi.  (Rises, 
goes  to  table  and  touches  hell.) 

Ching  Loo  enters  R. 

Annie  (rising).  Sure  the  taxi  mon  won't  onderstand 
the  talk  of  him.    I  want  to  pay  him. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  I  will  attend  to  that.  Here,  Ching,  pay 
the  taxi  driver.    (Gives  him  monev  from  her  handbag). 


8  MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Ching  Loo.    Allee  light.    (Exit  L.) 

(Annie  gazes  after  Imn  and  shakes  her  head.) 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Your  room  is  through  this  way.  {Points 
to  door  R.)  You  will  find  the  laundress  in  the  kitchen,  and 
she  will  show  you  tlie  way  to  the  servants' — 

Annie  (haughtily  interrupting) .  Servants! 

Mrs.  Hooper  (hastily).  I  mean  she  will  show  you  the 
way  to  your  room. 

Annie  (picks  up  suitcase,  crosses  R.,  then  pauses  and 
turns  suddenly).  Is  she  wan  of  them  Chinks?  Bekase  if 
she  is — 

Mrs.  Hooper  (hurriedly).    No,  no;  certainly  not. 

Exit  Annie,  R. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (sinks  into  a  chair,  R.).  Oh  dear!  Oh 
dear ! 

Enter  Geraldine,  L.,  in  street  costume  and  carrying  a 
copy  of  a  fashion  magazine. 

Geraldine.  I  met  Ching  Loo  in  the  hall.  He  says  we 
have  a  new  cook.  (Throws  hat  and  coat  on  the  couch  and 
sits  on  couch.) 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Yes,  thank  heaven.  Or — I  don't  know 
whether  I  want  to  thank  heaven  or  not.  She  seems  very 
independent.  But  they  tell  me  she  is  a  wonderful  cook. 
And  anyhow,  I  don't  dare  to  offend  her. 

Ching  Loo  enters  L.  and  crosses  to  C. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (speaking  to  him  as  he  is  at  C).  Ching 
Loo,  I  want  the  change. 

Ching  Loo  (pausing).    No  change. 

Mrs.  Hooper.    How  much  was  it? 

Ching  Loo.   Thlee  dollar.    No  change.    (Exit  R,) 
(Mrs.  Hooper  shakes  her  head  zvearily.) 

Geraldine.    They  ride  in  taxis  nowadays,  don't  they? 

Mrs.  PIooper  (rises  and  crosses  to  couch).  Geraldine, 
dearest,  do  not  throw  down  your  wraps.  Run  and  dress.  I 
am  expecting  a  small  coterie  of  friends  this  afternoon. 

Geraldine  (jumps  up).    Mother!  Not  another  one  of 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


9 


those  freak  gatherings !  {Takes  her  zvraps  from  her  mother 
and  crosses  lo  (  .) 

Mrs.  n()()i'i:R.  (icraldinc,  you  arc  just  hke  your  father. 
I  Ic  has  no  artistic  sense  at  ah. 

(h':kALi)i N (leaiiiiuj  ayainsl  table  and  facing  audience). 
WcU,  Dad  and  1  hkc  a  good  suhstantial  meal,  not  tea  wafers 
and  temperament. 

Mrs.  Hooper  {sits  on  couch  zvith  an  impatient  gesture). 
Do  not  always  be  thinking  of  food.  The  pundit  often  hves 
for  days  on  nuts  and  raisins. 

Geraldine.  Goodness  gracious !  Glad  I'm  not  a  pundit. 
I  don't  know  what  that  is,  but  thank  fortune  I  am  not  it. 
Dad  and  I  like  roast  beef,  and  Dad  is  especially  strong  for 
lemon  cream  pie.  I'm  sure  he  prefers  pie  to  wafers.  When 
have  we  had  a  lemon  cream  pie  ?  Not  for  an  age !  Poor 
old  Dad ! 

Mrs.  Hooper.  One  usually  does  not  serve  pie  at  a  tea. 
Geraldine,  I  do  not  wish  you  to  commiserate  your  father. 
We  have  not  the  same  tastes  at  all.  He  cares  nothing  for 
art  nor  for  classical  music,  not  even  for  good  literature. 
And  I  certainly  do  not  care  for  his  rough  out-of-doors 
sports.  However,  he  cannot  complain  of  his  home  comforts, 
and  I  intend  to  retain  my  own  individuality. 

Geraldine.    Yes,  the  poor  dear!    {Crosses  to  chair  R.) 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Geraldine! 

Geraldine  {sits  in  chair,  throzving  wraps  on  chair  beside 
her).  Who  is  coming  this  afternoon?  Last  week  we  had 
a  long-haired  violinist,  and  the  week  before  a  free  verse 
poetess — very  verse  and  very  free.  I  went  to  sleep  when 
she  read  her  own  things. 

Enter  Annie  Flanigan,  wearing  apron  and  cap,  Ching 
Loo  follows. 

Annie  {angrily).  Sure,  mum,  I  won't,  hov  that  Chiny- 
mon  foUowin'  me  around  so  soft  loike,  ye  can't  hear  him. 
I'll  I'ave. 

Mrs.  Hooper  {in  a  conciliatory  tone).  No,  no,  don't 
leave,  please.    I  will  see  that  he  keeps  away. 


10         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Annie  (to  Ching  Loo).  The  divil  take  ye!  (Shakes 
her  fist  in  his  face  and  crosses  R.) 

Ching  Loo.    Ki-yi — kee-yee — koo-koo — 

Annie  (turning  and  shaking  her  finger  in  his  face).  Til 
cuckoo  you  if  you  don't  kape  away  from  me!    (Exit  R.) 

Mrs.  Hooper  (rising  and  crossing  to  table).  Ching  Loo, 
keep  away  from  the  new  maid.  Here's  two  dollars  for  you. 
Keep  away  from  her.   Do^you  understand? 

Ching  Loo  (nods),    Les.  Les. 

Geraldine.  Yes,  stay  away,  Ching  Loo.  She  may  have 
the  smallpox. 

Ching  Loo.  Smallplox,  oh!  Oo!  (Exit  R.,  half  run- 
ning). 

Mrs.  Hooper  (sits  in  chair  L.  of  table).  If  I  can  just 
keep  them  all  right  until  after  today.  Oh  dear !  But  there. 
I  must  place  myself  in  an  attitude  of  calmness  and  peace. 
(Lifts  her  arms  and  stretches  them  out  slowly  as  if  warding 
off  disquieting  things.) 

Geraldine  (who  has  been  examining  a  fashion  maga- 
zine, rising  and  crossing  to  table).  Oh  Mother,  here's  a 
love  of  a  frock ! 

Mrs.  Hooper  (closing  her  eyes  for  a  second).  There. 
Just  a  moment,  Geraldine.  (Rises  and  crosses  R.  Geral- 
dine sits  in  chair,  R.  of  table.)  Geraldine  dear,  run  and 
dress. 

Geraldine.  This  gown  will  do,  mother.  I  will  straighten 
my  hair  a  little. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (crosses  tozvard  R.  D.  and  turns).  Geral- 
dine, don't  be  late. 

Geraldine.    No,  mother. 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  crosses  and  exits  L, 

Mrs.  Hooper.  .  Some  one  is  coming. 
(Geraldine.    I'll  be  there  in  a  minute,  mother. 

(Exit  Mrs.  Hooper.) 

(Geraldine  hums  a  popular  air  and  looks  over  a  book.) 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  fHNDU  11 


Enter  Maude  Innit,  L.,  follozved  ^3;  Ching  Loo,  who 
crosses  back  of  the  girls  as  they  greet  each  other,  and  exits 
L. 

Maude.    Hello,  dearie. 

Geraldine  {jumping  up).  Oh,  Maudie,  so  glad  to  see 
you!     {They  kiss.) 

Maude.  Your  mother  asked  me  to  run  over  this  after- 
noon to  hear  the  pundit. 

Geraldine.   The  which? 

Maude.  Why,  the  great  Hindu  teacher.  What's  his 
name — er — Sarabanda  Sang,  who  is  going  to  give  a  talk 
this  afternoon.    {They  sit  together  on  the  davenport.^ 

Geraldine.  So  that's  this  afternoon's  freak.  Now  I 
know  what  mother  meant  by  the  pundit. 

Maude.  Why,  Geraldine !  Haven't  you  heard  of  him  ? 
He  is  lecturing  at  all  the  clubs  and  private  homes.  Your 
moither  was  fortunate  to  secure  him,  and  it  was  perfectly 
ducky  of  her  to  ask  me. 

Geraldine.  Maude,  you  know  that  is  just  a  pose.  You 
will  be  bored  to  death.  Come  on,  let's  try  this  new  step. 
{Jumps  up  humming  a  popular  air  and  pulling  Maude  to  her 
feet.   They  dance  half  across  the  stage,  stop  and  laugh,) 

Maude.  I  think  you  ought  to  be  practicing  this  step.  La, 
la — la,  la — {humming  the  Lohengrin  wedding  march,  takes 
slow  steps  to  tune,  hack  toward  couch.) 

Geraldine  {follows  with  a  stately  step  or  two,  humming 
the  march).    I  know  I  shall  trip.    yThey  both  laugh  mer- 

^^^^'^  Enter  Mrs.  Hooper,  R. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Sh,  girls !  Not  so  loud.  We  must  have 
an  atmosphere  of  calm  for  the  pundit. 

Maude  {crosses  to  Mrs.  Hooper).  Oh,  Mrs.  Hooper,  it 
was  so  dear  of  you  to  ask  me  this  afternoon.  {They  greet 
each  other.) 

Geraldine  {seated  on  couch,  L.).  How  much  do  you 
have  to  pay  this  side-show  specimen,  mother? 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Do  not  be  impertinent,  child.  Money  is  a 
small  thing  compared  with  the  lessons  he  teaches. 


U.  OF  iUL  LIB. 


12         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Geraldine  (laughing).  I'll  wager  he  doesn't  think  so. 
(Rising  and  crossing  back  of  Maude  and  Mrs.  Hooper,  who 
stand  C.)  Excuse  me,  Maudie  dear.  (Picks  up  hat  and 
coat  from  chair,  R.)    I  have  to  fuss  up  a  bit.    (Exits  R.) 

Mrs.  lioorER.  That  child!  Maudie  dear,  pardon  me  if 
I  do  not  talk.  I  want  to  place  a  zone  of  quiet  about  myself 
for  a  moment  or  two.  I  had  a  seance  with  the  new  cook 
when  I  asked  her  to  assist  in  serving  this  afternoon.  This 
has  been  a  strenuous  day. 

Maude.  I  am  so  sorry.  (Mrs.  Hooper  crosses  to  conch 
and  straightens  pillozvs.)    Let  me  help  you,  may  I? 

Mrs.  Hooper.    You  might  light  the  incense.  . 

(Maude  goes  to  table.    Mrs.  Hooper  follows  to  table.) 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  goes  to  door  L.  Enter  Mrs. 
Rusher,  L. 

Mrs.  Rusher.    How  do  you  do,  Mrs.  Hooper. 

Mrs.  Hooper  (turns,  shakes  hands).  How  do  you  do, 
Mrs.  Rusher.  (They  take  a  step  or  tzvo  down  C.  Ching 
Loo  exits  back  of  them,  R.  Maude  crosses  back  of  chairs, 
R.) 

Mrs.  Rusher.   Am  I  the  first  ? 

Mrs.  Hooper.    No,  there  is  Miss  Innit. 

Mrs.  Rusher  (bozvs  to  Maude  and  continues  talking  to 
Mrs.  Hooper).  Well,  my  dear  Mrs.  Hooper,  I  am  simply 
overjoyed  at  the  prospect  of  hearing  that  wonderful  Hindu. 
LIow  fortunate  that  you  secured  him. 

Ching  Loo  crosses  from  R.  and  exits  L. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  I  know  you  will  like  him.  "Like"  is  a 
weak  word.  He  is  hy.pnotic  in  his  influence — that  is,  he 
would  be  were  he  not  >so  sincere.  I  would  say  that  he  is 
almost  a  psycho-psycho-analyst,  if  one  may  use  the  term.  I 
have  not  been  the  same  woman  since  I  met  him. 

Mrs.  Rusher.  I  expect  to  be  greatly  enlightened.  And 
how  lovely  for  these  young  girls  to  hear  him.  It  will  be  so 
beneficial.  Lam  sure.  (Crosses  R.  and  greets  Maude,  sif- 
tinq  in  middle  chair,  R.  Mrs.  Hooper  stands  C,  to  receive 
her  guests.)  ^^^^^ 

Loo  enters  L, 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  13 


Ching  Loo  {announcing) .    Another  ladlee. 
Mrs.  PIoopkr.    Ching  Loo!    (Motions  him  to  exit.  He 
crosses  back  of  her  and  exits  R,) 

Mrs.  Vere  Leeb  enters  L. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Oh  my  dear  Mrs.  Vere  Leeb.  {They 
shake  hands.)  Plow  are  you?  Pray  do  not  mind  Ching 
Loo's  crudities.    I  cannot  break  him  of  them. 

Mrs.  Leeb.  Do  not  try,  my  dear.  He  is  so  refreshing! 
I  adore  the  unusual.  Commonplace  things  bore  me  to  dis- 
traction. 

Mrs.  Hooper  {turning  to  the  others).  You  know  Mrs. 
Rusher  and  Miss  Innit,  I  believe. 

{They  greet  one  another.  Mrs.  Leeb  sits  in  first  chair, 
R.J  up  stage.) 

Mrs.  Rusher.  Delighted  to  meet  you  again,  Mrs.  Vere 
Leeb.  I  have  had  the  pleasure  of  hearing  you  read  some 
of  your  lovely  lines.    Who  is  your  publisher? 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  crosses  and  exits  L. 

Mrs.  Leeb.  As  yet,  my  dear,  I  have  not  trusted  my  things 
to  cold  print.    That  seems  so  sordid  and  commercial. 

Ching  Loo  enters  L. 

Ching  Loo  {announces) .    Two  ladlee. 
Mrs.  Hooper.   Ching  Loo  !    {Motions  him  to  leave.  He 
exits  R.) 

Enter  Mrs.  High  Warbler  and  Mrs.  A.  Dabbler,  L. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  My  dear  Mrs.  Warbler;  and  you,  Mrs. 
Dabbler.    I  am  so  pleased  to  see  you. 

Mrs.  Warbler.  I  am  delighted  to  be  able  to  come,  as 
I  have  a  cold  and  was  afraid  to  expose  my  voice. 

Mrs.  Rusher  {aside).    It  is  not  very  much  to  expose. 

Mrs.  Dabbler.  And  I,  too,  was  worried.  My  second 
maid — 

Mrs.  Hooper.    Left,  of  course.    That  is  the  general  cry. 
(Mrs.  Warbler  crosses  R.  and  greets  Mrs.  Rusher  and 
Mrs.  Leeb  during  the  conversation.) 


14         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Mrs.  Dabbler  {to  Mrs.  Hooper).  Yes,  but  I  would 
come.  I  can  hardly  wait  to  hear  this  great  psycho-analyst — 
er — what  is  his  name  ? 

Mrs.  Hooper.    Sarabanda  Sang. 

Mrs.  Dabbler.    Oh,  yes ;  Sarabanda  Sang. 

Mrs.  Warbler  {to  Mrs.  Leeb).  My  dear,  I  have  some- 
thing to  tell  you.  {They  cross  to  couch,  R.,  and  stand  a 
moment  as  if  talking.) 

Mrs.  Hooper  {to  Mrs.  Dabbler).  I  hope  you  may  hear 
all  of  his  lectures.  {Turning  to  Mrs.  Leeb.)  You  know 
Mrs.  Vere  Leeb,  Mrs.  Dabbler. 

(Mrs.  Dabbler  and  Mrs.  Leeb  exchange  greetings.  They 
stand  a  moment  and  then  sit  on  the  couch.) 

Mrs.  Hooper  {crosses  R.  and  sits  in  chair  by  Mrs. 
Rusher).  I  hope  you  too  may  be  able  to  attend  the  new 
course  of  lectures  by  the  psychologist.  He  is  such  an  in- 
spiration. 

Geraldine  enters  L.,  and  stands  at  her  mother's  chair. 

Mrs.  Rusher.  Indeed,  I  hope  to  do  so.  And  here  is 
your  lovely  daughter !  I  hear  news  of  you,  my  dear.  Your 
engagement  was  announced  while  I  was  away. 

Geraldine  {standing  by  her  mother's  chair).  Yes,  Mrs. 
Rusher. 

Mrs.  Rusher.    And  are  you  to  marry  a  great  artist? 
Geraldine.    Heaven  forbid! 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Geraldine !  Geraldine,  dear,  we  will  serve 
tea  now.  (Geraldine  exits  R.) 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Ladies,  we  are  to  serve  tea  now,  as  the 
pundit  wishes  silence  when  he  breathes  forth  his  great 
truths 

(Mrs.  Dabbler  crosses  to  Mrs.  Rusher.) 

Enter  Geraldine  and  Ching  Loo,  the  latter  pushing  a 
tea  cart.   Mrs.  Hooper  crosses  to  table. 

Mrs.  Dabbler.  How  do  you  do,  Mrs.  Rusher.  {Sits  in 
chair,  R.),  I  have  not  had  the  opportunity  of  speaking  to 
you  before.    You  had  an  enjoyable  trip,  I  presume? 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  15 


Mrs.  Rusher.    Simply  splendid. 

Ching  Loo  (to  Geraldine).    Me  no  got  smallplox. 

(The  ladies  look  at  one  another  in  surprise.) 
Geraldine.    Say  nothing  about  the  smallpox,  do  you 
hear?    (Business.)    Here's  a  dollar.   I  was  only  joking. 
Ching  Loo.   You  jokee? 

Geraldine.    Yes,  stupid.    (Motions  him  to  go.) 

Ching  Loo.    Les,  you  jokee.    (Exit  R.) 

Geraldine  (sits  at  table ^  R.).  Oh,  Maudie,  will  you  as- 
sist us?    (Maude  crosses  to  table.) 

(The  ladies  begin  to  chatter  and  laugh  audibly.  The  scene 
must  be  lively  and  natural.  Inconsequential  chatter  con- 
tinues during  the  serving  of  the  tea,  the  women  talking 
briskly  among  themselves,  and  the  sounds  coming  to  the 
audience  as  a  confused  murmur.  The  performers  must 
''fake''  this  chatter  to  make  the  effect  natural.  Meanwhile 
there  is  the  following  action :  Maude  crosses  L.  to  Mrs. 
Warbler,  with  a  tea  cup,  then  to  Mrs.  Leeb,  while  Geral- 
dine goes  to  Mrs.  Rusher,  R.  Mrs.  Hooper  pours  tea. 
Maude  passes  tea  to  Mrs.  Dabbler  and  cake  to  Mrs.  Leeb, 
then  goes  to  table  and  hands  cup  to  Mrs.  Rusher.  Mrs. 
Leeb  crosses  R.  to  Mrs.  Rusher  and  sits  in  small  chair 
down  stage.  Mrs.  Hooper  rises  and  crosses  to  small  chair 
extreme  R.,  talking  with  Mrs.  Leeb  and  Mrs.  Rusher. 
Maude  and  Geraldine  sit  at  table  drinking  tea.  Mrs. 
Dabbler  cow^i-  to  table  and  talks  a  moment,  putting  down 
her  tea  cup.  Maude  rises  and  goes  to  Mrs.  Warbler,  who 
rises  holding  tea  cup.  They  chat,  and  Mrs.  Rusher  crosses 
to  Maude  and  Mrs.  Warbler,  L.  Mrs.  Dabbler  goes  to 
Mrs.  Leeb  and  stands  talking  to  Mrs.  Hooper  and  Mrs. 
Leeb,  R.  Geraldine  takes  Mrs.  Leeb's  cup.  Mrs.  Leeb 
crosses  again,  L.  Mrs.  Warbler  crosses  to  Mrs.  Hooper 
and  Mrs.  Dabbler,  R.  Geraldine  takes  Mrs.  Warbler's 
cup  and  goes  to  table.  Maude  takes  Mrs.  Rusher's  cup 
and  crosses  to  table,  then  back  to  couch.  All  during  the  tea 
scene  there  must  be  laughter  and  chatter,  just  as  at  any  tea. 
The  conversation  may  be  any  natural  conversation,  snatches 
of  it  heard  nozv  and  then  by  the  audience.    The  action  must 


16         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 

be  lively  and  not  prolonged.  Geraldine  exits,  R.,  with  a 
small  tray.) 

Annie  Flanigan  enters  R.  and  rushes  C. 

Annie  (m  a  loud  tone).  Sure  I'm  crazy  mesilf  wid  thol 
Chinymon  always  talkin'  about  the  smallpox.  I  ain't  got 
no  smallpox. 

{The  ladies  become  quiet  and  ga^c  at  Annie,  then  look 
at  one  another.    Mrs.  Hooper  hurries  to  Annie.) 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  crosses  back  of  the  ladies  and  exits  L. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  All  right,  Annie,  I'll  straighten  every- 
thing out  after  a  while.  Don't  mind  Ching  Loo.  {Gently 
pushes  Annie  to  R.  D.) 

Annie.   I'm  liable  to  kill  him  yet !    {Exit  R.) 

Mrs.  Hooper  {coming  C).  Ladies,  do  pardon  my  new 
maid. 

{Guests  are  seated.  Mrs.  Rusher,  Mrs.  Leeb  and  Maude 
on  couch,  L.,  Mrs.  Leeb  in  the  middle  and  Mrs.  Rusher 
dozvn  stage.  Mrs.  Dabbler  sits  in  large  chair  up  R.,  and 
Mrs.  Warbler  in  middle  chair,  R.  Geraldine  stands  at  R. 
of  table.) 

Ching  Loo  re-enters  L.  and  comes  C. 
Ching  Loo.   Another  ladlee  ! 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Ching  Loo!  {Motions  him  to  leave  and 
he  exits  R.) 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date  enters  L. 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date.  My  dear.  I  do  hope  I  am  not  late. 
I  was  detained. 

Mrs.  HoOper.  You  are  in  plenty  of  time,  Mrs.  Up-to- 
Date.  We  are  serving  tea,  as  the  pundit  wishes  silence 
around  him  when  he  breathes  forth  his  truths.  {To  Ger- 
aldine.)   Geraldine,  dear,  serve  tea  to  Mrs.  Up-to-Date. 

Geraldine  {comes  forzvard  with  a  cup  for  Mrs.  Up-to- 
Date).    Have  some  tea,  Mrs.  Up-to-Date. 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date.  Geraldine,  I  am  so  pleased  to  hear 
the  news.    My  dear  Elsie  has  so  many  sweethearts  she  can 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  17 

not  really  decide  between  them.  She's  so  popular,  you 
know. 

Geraldine.  Yes,  Mrs.  Up-to-Date.  (Crosses  to  Maude 
and  sits  on  conch.) 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date  (stands  C.  with  tea  cup).  How  do 
you  do,  ladies.  Oh,  Mrs.  Dabbler,  I  am  surprised  to  see 
you  here.    I  thought  you  cared  for  nothing  but  bridge. 

Mrs.  Dabbler.  I  do  get  time  to  read  the  papers  oc- 
casionally, but  as  yet  I  have  not  seen  the  announcement  of 
your  daughter  Elsie's  engagement. 

Maude  (to  Geraldine).  Those  two  are  like  tinder  boxes 
when  they  get  together. 

(Mrs.  Up-to-Date  turns  with  a  shrug,  goes  back  to  tea 
table  and  sits  in  chair  R.  of  table.  Mrs.  Hooper  is  in  chair 
L.  of  table.) 

Mrs.  Dabbler.  I  am  so  anxious  to  hear  Mr.  Pundit,  Mrs. 
Hooper. 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date  (sarcastically).  Oh,  my  dear.  It  is 
not  Mr.  Pundit,  it  is  the  pundit.  A  little  like  professor,  or 
teacher — or  something. 

Mrs.  Dabbler.  You  do  not  seem  to  know  yourself.  I 
shall  call  him  Mr.  Pundit  if  I  wish. 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date.  Oh,  very  well.  (Puts  cup  dozvn  and 
goes  back  of  Mrs.  Rusher's  chair^  as  Mrs.  Hooper  rises 
and  goes  to  Mrs.  Leeb.) 

Mrs.  Hooper.  While  we  are  waiting,  will  you  not  favor 
us  with  one  of  your  bits  of  free  verse,  Mrs.  Vere  Leeb? 

Mrs.  Leeb.  Why,  really — I  have  a  cold,  my  dear.  I — 
don't  believe — 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date  (to  Mrs.  Warbler).  She's  dying  to 
give  one.  (She  is  standing,  back  of  Mrs.  Warbler  and 
Mrs.  Dabbler.) 

Mrs.  Warbler.   Oh,  please  do  favor  us,  Mrs.  Vere  Leeb. 

(Mrs.  Up-to-Date  sits  in  chair  down  R.  Mrs.  Hooper 
is  seated  on  couch ^  L.) 


18         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 

Mrs.  Leeb.  Well,  if  you  insist.  (Rises,  takes  center  of 
stage  and  recites  dramatically,) 

Great  columns  of  smoke 

Come  forth  from  the  chimneys. 

Black,  black  smoke, 

And  soot  falls. 

How  it  falls ! 

In  the  alleys  bugs  crawl 

And  garbage  molders, 

Reeking  odor,  reek  and  reek, 

But  Spring  is  coming. 

The  little  onions  are  sprouting, 

''Wait,"  they  cry,  "we  are  coming  too, 

And  then  let  them  look  to  their  laurels. 

Those  city  odors ! 

We,  the  onions,  are  coming 

Out  of  the  moist  earth. 

We,  the  onions,  are  coming!" 

(Bows  as  all  applaud.) 
Maude  (ecstatically).    Isn't  she  marvelous? 
(Mrs.  Leeb  crosses  R.  to  Mrs.  Warbler  and  Mrs.  Dab- 
bler.) 

Mrs.  Dabbler  (rises).  That  is  true  poetry.  (Motions 
to  Mrs.  Leeb  to  take  her  chair.  They  both  stand  a  moment,) 

Mrs.  Warbler.  Yes,  it  is  much  more  virile  than  mere 
talk  of  flowers,  of  roses  and  violets  or  tulips. 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.,  crosses  and  exits  L. 
Mrs.  Rusher.    Oh,  the  old  school  of  poetry  is  so  passe. 
(Mrs.  Leeb  sits.  Mrs.  Dabbler  stands  by  her  chair.) 
Mrs.  Up-to-Date.   No  one  never  reads  Byron  or  Shelley 
nowadays.  ^hing  Loo  enters  L. 

Ching  Loo  (pausing  at  C,  announces).  Man  in  night 
shirt. 

Mrs.  Hooper.    Ching  Loo! 

Ching  Loo  exits  R, 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  19 

Mrs.  Hooper  (rising).  Ladies,  calm  yourselves.  He 
comes.  Geraldine,  have  the  remaining  things  removed. 
(Geraldine  exits  R.  Mrs.  Hooper  motions  Mrs.  Dabbler 
to  seat  herself  on  couch.)  Won't  you  be  seated,  Mrs.  Dab- 
bler?   (Mrs.  Dabbler  crosses  and  sits  on  couch.) 

Ching  Loo  enters  R.  and  takes  out  tea  cart,  R.  Geral- 
dine enters  R, 

Mrs.  Hooper.  There  must  be  absolute  silence  for  the 
pundit,  ladies,  that  we  may  receive  the  emanations  from  the 
philosopher's  great  brain.   (Exits  L.) 

(Geraldine  goes  to  chair  extreme  R.  and  sits.) 

Mrs.  Rusher.   Oh,  I  am  simply  wild  to  hear  this  Hindu. 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date.    So  am  L 

Mrs.  Warbler.   Sh  !   She  said  silence. 

Mrs.  Hooper  returns  from  L.  and  stands  C, 

-   Mrs.  Hooper.   Sh !   Ladies,  concentrate !   He  comes ! 

Sarabanda  Sang  enters  from  R,  and  slowly  takes  C. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Dear  friends,  we  are  to  have  the  pleasure 
of  hearing  the  noted  Hindu  scholar  and  lecturer,  Sarabanda 
Sang,  who  has  consented  to  expound  to  us  his  wondrous 
truths  and  to  give  to  us  a  glimpse  of  the  light  that  sur- 
rounds him. 

(Sarabanda  makes  a  deep  salaam.  All  are  seated  except 
the  Hindu.  Mrs.  Hooper  sits  in  chair  R.  of  table.  Sara- 
banda stands  for  a  second  with  closed  eyes,  then  begins  in 
a  deep  voice.  The  few  gestures  that  he  (or  she)  makes 
must  be  with  dignity  and  grace.) 

Sarabanda.  Man  we  call  a  finite  being,  is,  was,  has  been, 
will  be  and  is  yet  to  be.  That  which  we  see  is  not.  Though 
we  see  it,  we  see  it  not.  The  soul,  that  weird,  luminous, 
intangible  non-substance,  wanders  on  and  on  and  on  (lifts 
both  arms,  moving  them  outzvard  from  the  body).  The 
lower  strata  of  the  mind  lie  beneath  the  upper  strata  (points 
with  one  finger  toward  the  ground),  and  the  upper  strata 
lie  above  the  lower  strata  (points  upward),  and  there  is 


20         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 

neither  beginning  nor  ending  thereof.  {Pauses,  standing 
with  folded  arms. ) 

Mrs.  Warbler.  Wonderful! 

Mrs.  Rusher.    Oh,  I  am  so  upHfted! 

Mrs.  Hooper  (to  her  friends),    Sh!  Please! 

Sarabanda  {coyitiniies,  with  arms  folded).  Conscious- 
ness is  an  animated  chamber  through  which  ideas  enter  the 
sacred  place,  the  holy  of  holies  {points  upzvard),  and  on 
the  other  hand,  unconscious  ideas  form  a  dim  underworld 
through  which  the  ghosts  of  ideas  flee  {slow  gesture  with 
right  hand,  palm  turned  outward),  as  though  fearful  of  the 
light.  The  whole  assembly  of  the  soul  structure  is  thus 
linked  in  the  obscurity  of  memory.  {Pauses,  closes  his 
eyes  and  stands  with  folded  arms.) 

Mrs.  Leeb.    How  illuminating! 

Mrs.  Dabbler.    I  wish  I  could  understand  it,  but  I  don't 
quite  grasp  the  idea. 
Mrs.  Hooper.   Sh ! 

Sarabanda  {opens  his  eyes  and  continues).  The  brain 
elements  set  free  the  currents  of  energy  that  run  hither 
and  thither  {zvaves  both  arms)  stirring  up  the  motor  nerves, 
the  successful  conjunction  of  which  constitute  the  flowing 
stream  of  consciousness.  Thus  {one  finger  uplifted,  touch- 
ing the  other  hand  in  a  professorial  manner)  the  subtle  cor- 
relation of  all  the  parts  reveals  to  us  an  intricate  process 
of  creative  imagination  and  introspection  that  lifts  the  soul 
seeker  {points  upzvard),  the  thirster  who  drinks  at  the 
fountain,  into  the  more  rarefied  atmosphere  untainted  by 
the  breath  of  sordid,  plodding  creatures  {points  downzvard) 
whose  faculties  are  stultified  and  whose  inner  consciousness 
is  unawakened.  Striving  for  the  ultimate  end,  this  irreduc- 
ible, this  unimaginable  mode  of  thinking  explains  the  con- 
junction of  fundamental  capacities.  {Pauses,  closes  his 
eyes  and  folds  his  arms.) 

Mrs.  Up-to-Date.    He  is  simply  marvelous. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Sh! 

Sarabanda  {opens  his  eyes  and  continues).  All  around 
us  is  the  ethereal  blue  {lifts  both  arms) .   We  are  but  masses 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  21 


of  vaporized  ether  that  float  on  and  on,  and  the  whirHng 
particles  perpetually  whirl. 

(A  great  disturbance  is  heard  outside,  R.) 
Mrs.  Nicolo  Cosmo  (outside,  R.).    I  go  in.    I  go  in! 
Annie  Flanigan  (outside^  R.).    For  hivin's  sake,  be 
quiet ! 

Ching  Loo  (outside,  R.).   Alley — Ki-yi,  Koo-koo ! 
Mrs.  Cosmo  (outside  R.).   I  go  in.-  I  go  in! 

(At  the  commotion  outside  all  rise,  look  startled  and  re- 
main standing  by  their  chairs.  Geraldine^  who  sits  in  a 
light  chair,  extreme  R.,  jumps  up  and  overturns  it,  Mrs. 
Hooper  rises,  standing  between  Sarabanda  and  R.  D.) 

Mrs.  Nicolo  Cosmo  rushes  in. 

Mrs.  Cosmo.   I  wanta  my  hosban'.   I  wanta  my  hosban' ! 

Mrs.  Hooper  (holding  Mrs.  Cosmo  back).  Ladies,  do 
pardon  this  intrusion.  (To  Mrs.  Cosmo.)  What  is  the 
matter?  Why  do  you  come  here? 

Mrs.  Cosmo.  I  wanta  my  hosban'.  (Pointing  to  Sara- 
banda.) That  is  my  hosban\  Nicolo  Cosmo. 

(Mrs.  Hooper  puts  arm  out  to  keep  her  back.  Sarabanda 
looks  startled  at  first,  but  resumes  his  calm  demeanor  and 
stands  with  folded  arms.) 

Sarabanda.   I  do  not  know  you,  woman.  • 
Mrs.  Cosmo.   I  do  not  know  you  woman !    (Breaks  away 
from  Mrs.  Hooper  and  rushes  to  Sarabanda,  L.)    You  say 
that  to  your  Rosa  ? 

Mrs.  Hooper.  You  are  insane.  That  is  the  great  Sara- 
banda Sang. 

Mrs.  Cosmo.  Insane?  Crazee,  am  I?  I  tell  you  that  is 
my  hosban',  Nicolo  Cosmo.  (Points  to  him.)  We  live  in 
Ghetto.  (Turns  to  Mrs.  Hooper,  speaking  excitedly.)  A 
man  in  Ghetto  write  him  speech  an'  pay  him  well  to  fool 
the  ladees.  I  no  care  for  that,  but  he  want  desert  me  an' 
my  five  leetle  bambinos  to  marry  'nothe'r  girl.  He  no  give 
me  da  monee,  we  hongree.    But  wait  I  feex  him.    I  have 


22         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


him  arresM  (Turns  to  look  at  Sarabanda).  But  see — 
see  ladee — he  have  gone — he  have  gone!   (Rushes  out  L.) 

(During  Mrs.  Cosmo's  speech,  after  she  has  turned  her  ' 
back  upon  him,  the  supposed  Hindu  drops  back  with  quick, 
quiet  steps  and  exits  L.    The  ladies  are  so  busy  watching 
his  zvife  they  do  not  notice  him  go,    Mrs.  Hooper  grozvs 
faint  at  Mrs.  Cosmo's  exit.) 

Maude  (excitedly),    Geraldine!   Quick — your  mother! 

(All  rush  towards  Mrs.  Hooper.    Geraldine  catches 
her  mother  and  helps  her  to  chair  up  stage,  L.  of  table.) 

Geraldine.    Maudie,  a  glass  of  water.    (Maude  rushes 
out  R.) 

Mrs.  Dabbler.    Oh,  it's  terrible! 

Mrs.  Rusher.    The  miserable  impostor ! 

(Maude  returns  zvith  water.) 

Mrs.  Leeb.  What  a  shame.  Well,  I  really  was  suspicious 
of  him  from  the  first. 

Geraldine.  Dear  friends,  do  pardon  me  if  I  ask  you 
to  go.  I  am  so  sorry  this  has  happened.  I  suppose  the  man 
must  be  an  impostor.  (She  begins  to  shake  hands  zvith  Mrs. 
Up-to-Date  and  Mrs.  Dabbler,  then  Mrs.  Warbler,  polite- 
ly propelling  them  tozvard  L.  D.)  Mother  will  write  to  you 
or  call  you  all  up  later.  (Shakes  hands  with  Mrs.  Leeb 
and  Mrs.  Rusher.)    Goodby.    So  sorry.  Goodby. 

(The  ladies  exit  L.,  talking  in  subdued  tones,) 
Maude.    Geraldine,  can't  I  do  something? 
Geraldine.    No,  dear.    I  will  call  you  up  after  a  while. 
(Kisses  her  goodby,) 
Maude.    Goodby,  dear.    (Exit  L,) 

Mrs.  Hooper  (when  Maude  has  gone).  Oh  dear,  what 
a  disgrace!  (Rises,  going  to  couch,  followed  by  Geral- 
dine.) What  a  disgrace!  (Drops  on  couch,  lying  with 
her  face  in  the  pillows.) 

Geraldine.  There,  there,  mother  dear.  (Kneels  beside 
her  mother.) 


MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU  23 

Annie  Flanigan  enters,  R.,  in  hat  and  coat  and  zvith 
suitcase. 

Annie.  Fm  lavin',  mum.  I  niver  could  work  in  sich  a 
place,  with  Chinks  in  pajammys  and  haythen  nagers  in  night 
shirts.   Give  me  me  wages. 

Geraldine.   You  don't  deserve  any. 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Geraldine,  please  pay  her.  I  cannot  stand 
any  more. 

(Geraldine  rises  and  goes  to  table,  picking  up  her  moth- 
er's bag,   Annie  follows  to  table.) 

Annie.  Sure  she'll  pay  me  ivry  cint.  I  niver  saw  sich 
a  place  in  me  life.  I'll  have  the  price  of  me  taxi  goin'  and 
comin',  too. 

Geraldine  {giving  Annie  the  money).  There,  take  it 
and  go!    {Goes  back  and  kneels  by  her  mother.) 

Annie  {counts  the  money).  Talk  about  a  fine  place. 
I'll  tein:he  world  it's  a  fine  place — not.  {Crosses  to  L.  D.) 
Chinks  in  pajammys  and  haythen  nagers  in  night  shirts. 
Hivin'  hilp  us  !    {Exits  L.) 

Mrs.  Hooper  {rising  to  a  sitting  posture).  Geraldine, 
do  not  tell  your  father.  And  please  do  not  let  the  papers 
know. 

Geraldine  {smoothing  her  mother's  hair).  Certainly 
not,  mother  dear.  Don't  worry.  Try  to  rest.  (Mrs.  Hooper 
rises  and  stands  C.)  Why,  mother,  what  are  you  going 
to  do? 

Mrs.  Hooper.  Geraldine,  I  think  I  will  make  your  father 
a  lemon  cream  pie  for  dinner.  Your  father  loves  lemon 
cream  pie  and  so  do  you. 

Geraldine.  Oh,  do  you  feel  able  to  do  that,  mother? 
Shall  I  help  you? 

Mrs.  Hooper.  No,  dear.  I  am  better  now  and  I  prefer 
to  do  it  alone.  {Crosses  R.,  pauses  and  turns.)  Geraldine, 
we  will  not  even  speak  of  the  meeting,  dear. 


24         MRS.  HOOPS-HOOPER  AND  THE  HINDU 


Geraldine.    No,  mother  dear,  certainly  not. 

Mrs.  Hooper  exits  R, 

Geraldine  (zvnlks  to  table  and  straightens  the  cover,) 
Dad  and  the  lemon  cream  pie  seem  to  be  in  the  ascendancy 
for  to  night,  at  least.  (Crosses  to  couch,  straightening  pil- 
lows.) Poor  mother!  It  seems  too  bad  to  laugh.  (Throws 
herself  upon  the  couch  in  a  gale  of  laughter.) 


Curtain 


DENISON'S  ACTING  PLAYS 

Partial  List  of  Successful  and  Popular  Plays.  Laree  Catalogue  Free 


FARCES,  COiyiEDIETAS.  Etc. 
Price  25  Cents  Each 

M.  . 

All  on  a  Summer's  Day,  40  min.  4  6 
4uTit  Harriet's  Night  Out,  35 

min                                      .  1  2 

A:vnt  ]\Iatilda's  Birthday  Party, 

35  rnin.  '   11 

Billy's  Chorus  Girl,  30  min...  2  3 

lionowed  Luncheon,  20  min..  5 

Borrowing  Trouble,  20  min....  3  5 
Case  Against  Casey,  40  min... 23 

Class  Ship,  35  min                     3  8 

Divided  Attentions,  35  min...  1  4 

Fun  in  PJioto  Gallery,  30  min..  6  10 

Getting  Rid  of  Father,  20  min.  3  1 

Goose  Creek  Line,  1  hr   3,10 

Great  Pumpkin  Case,  35  min.,  12 

Hans  Von  Smash,  30  min....  4  3 

Honest  Peggy,  25  min. ......  8 

Irish  Linen  Peddler,  40  min...  3  3 

Just  Like  a  Woman,  35  min...  3  3 

Last  Rehearsal,  25  min                2  3 

]\len  Not  Wanted,  30  min   8 

Mother  Goose's  Goslings,  30  m.  7  9 

Mrs.  Jenkins'  Brilliant  Idea,  35m.  8 

Mrs.  Stubbins'  Book  Agent,  30  m.  3  2 

Not  a  Man  in  the  House,  40  m.  5 

Paper  Wedding,  30  min               1  5 

Pat's  Matrimonial     enture,  25 

min.  .                                    1  2 

Piitsv  O'Wang,  35  min               4  3 

Rninmage  Sale,  50  min                4  10 

Sewing   for   the    Heathen,  40 

min   9 

Shadows,  35  min                         3  4 

S  ML'  a  Song  of  Seniors,  30  min.  7 

Takirg  Father's  Place,  30  min.  5  3 
Teacher  Kin  I  Go  Home,  35 

min                                     7  3 

Too  Much  of  a  Good  Thing,  45 

min  3  6 

Two  Ghosts  in  White,  20  min..  8 

Two  of  a  Kind,  40  min            2  3 

Uncle  Dick's  Mistake,  20  min..  3  2 

Wanted:  a  Correspondent,  45  m.  4  4 
Watch,  a  Wallet,  and  a  Jack  of 

Spades,  40  min                     3  6 

Whole  Truth,  40  min                  5  4 

Who's  the  Boss?  30  min,            3  6 

Wide  Enough  for  Two,  45  min.  5  2 

Wrong  Baby,  25  min   8 

FARCES,  COMEDIETAS,  Etc. 
Price  15  Cents  Each 

April  Fools,  30  min  3 

Assessor,  The,  15  min                3  2 

Baby  Show  at  Pineville,  20  min.  19 
Before    the    Play    Begins,  15 

min                                       2  1 

Billy's  Mishaps,  20  min               2  3 

Country  Justice.   15  min  8 

Cow  that  Kicked  Chicago,  25  m.  3  2 

Familv    Strike,   20   min...           3  3 

First-Class   Hotel,   20   min  4 

For  Love  and  Honor,  20  min..  2  1 

l^ndsre  and  a  Burglar,  15  min..  5 


Great  Medical  Dispensary,  30  m. 
Initiating  a  Granger,  25  min.. 
Jsansas  innnigrants,  20  min... 
Lottie  Sees  It  Through,  35  min. 

Pair  of  Lunatics,  20  min  

Pat,  the  Apothecary,  35  min.. 
Please  Pass  the  Cream,  20  min. 
Second  Childhood,  15  min.... 
Smith's  Unlucky  Day,  20  min.. 

That  Rascal  Pat,  30  min  

Two  Aunts  and  a  Photo,  20  m. 
Two  Gentlemen  in  a  Fix,  15  m. 
Wanted:  A  Hero,  20  min..... 


M.  F. 

6 


1  1 

6  2 

1  1 

2  2 


VAUDEVILLE  SKETCHES 
Price  2S  Cents  Each 

Amateur,  15  min   1  1 

At  Harmony  Junction,  20  min.  4 

Breakfast  Food  for  Two,  20  m.  1  1 

Cold  Finish,  15  min   2  1 

Coming  Champion,  20  min....  2 

Fresh  Timothy  Hay,  20  min..  2  1 

Her  Hero,  20  min    1  1 

Hev,   Rube!    15   min   1 

It  Might  Happen,  20  min   1  1 

Little  Miss  Enemy,  15  min....  1  1 

Little  Red  School  House,  20  m.  4 

Marriage  and  After,  10  min..  1 
One  Sweetheart  for  Two,  20  m.  2 

Oyster  Stew,  10  min   2 

Pete  Vansen's  Curl's  Moder.  10m.  1 

Quick  Lunch  Cabaret,  20  min..  4 

Si  and  I,  15  min   1 

Special  Sale,  15  min.   2 

Street  Faker,  15  min   3 

Such  Ignorance,  15  min   2 

Sunny  Son  of  Italy,  15  min..  1 

Time  Table,  20  min   1  1 

Tramp  and  the  Actress,  20  min.  1  1 

Troubles  of  Rozinski,  15  min..  1 

Two  Jay  Detectives,  15  min..  3 

Umbrella  Mender,  15  min..,.  2 

Vait  a  Minute   2 

BLACK-FACE  PLAYS 
Price  25  Cents  Each 

Axin*  Her  Father,  25  min  2  3 

Booster  Club  of  Blackville,  25 

min   10 

Colored  Honeymoon,  25  min.,.  2  2 
Coon  Creek  Courtship,  15  m...  1  1 
Coontown  Thirteen  Club,  2Sm.l4 
Darktown  Fire  Brigade,  25m..  10 
Good  Mornin'  Judc^e,  35  min..  9  2 

Hungry,  15  min......  «,  2 

Love  and  Lather,  35  min  3  2 

Memphis  Mose,  25  min  5  1 

Oh,  Doctor!  30  min  6  2 

Troubled  by  Ghosts,  10  min...  4 
What  Happened  to  Hannah,  15 

min  „  1  1 

A  srreat  number  off 
Standard  and  Amateur  Plays 
not  found  here  are  listed  In 
Denlson's  Catalogue 


T.  S.  DENISON  &  COMPANY, PubRshers,  623  S. Wabash AvcChicago 


I-10_l 


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IN  this  Series 
are  found 
books  touching 
every  feature 
in  the  enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely  made, 
good  paper, 
clear  print  and 
each  book  has 
an  attractive 
individual  cov- 
er design. 


DIALOGUES 


All 


Sorts  of  Dialogues. 

Selected,  fine  for  older  pupils. 
Catchy  Comic  Dialogues. 

Very  clever;  for  young  people. 
Children's  Comic  Dialogues. 

From  six  to  eleven  years  of  age. 
Country  School  Dialogues. 

Brand  new,  orii;,  uil 
Dialogues  for  District  Schools. 

For  country  schools, 
uialcgues  from  Dickens. 

Thirteen  selections. 
Friday  Afternoon  Dialogues. 

Over  60,000  copies  sold. 
From  Tots  to  Teens. 

Dialogues  and  recitations. 
Humorous  Homespun  Dialogues. 

For  older  ones. 
Little  People's  Plays. 

From  7  to  18  years  of  age. 
Lively  Dialogues. 

For  all  ages;  mostly  humorous. 
Merry  Little  Dialogues. 

Thirty-ei^ht  original  selections. 
When  the  Lessons  are  Over. 

Dialogues,  drills,  plays. 
Wide  Awake  Dialogues. 
Original  successful. 

SPEAKERS,  MONOLOGUES 

Choice  Pieces  for  Little  People. 

A  child's  speaker. 
The  Comic  Entertainer. 

Recitations,  monologues,  dialogues. 
Dialect  Readings. 

Irish,  Dutch,  Negro,  Scotch,  etc. 
The  Favorite  Speaker. 

Choice  prose  and  poetry. 
The  Friday  Afternoon  Speaker. 

For  pupils  of  all  ages. 
Humorous  IVIonoiogues. 

Particularly  for  ladies. 
Monologues  for  Young  F='olks. 

Clever,  humorous,  original. 


Monologues  Grave  and  Gay. 

Dramatic  and  humorous. 
Scrap- Book  Recitations. 

Choice  collections,  pathetic,  hu- 
morous, descriptive,  prose, 
poetry.  15  Nos.,  per  No.  S5c 

DRILLS 

The  Best  Drill  Book. 

Very  popular  drills  and  marches. 
The  Favorite  Book  <5f  Drills. 

Drills  that  sparkle  with  originality. 
Little  Plays  With  Drills. 

For  children  from  6  to  11  years. 
The  Surprise  Drill  Book. 

Fresh,  novel,  drills  and  marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The  Boys'  Entertainer. 

Monologues,  dialogues,  drills. 
Children's  Party  Book. 

Invitations,  decorations,  games. 
The  Christmas  Entertainer. 

Novel  and  diversified. 
The  Days  We  Celebrate: 

I'^ntertainments  for  all  the  holidays. 
Good  Things  for  Christmas. 

Recitations,   dialogues,  drills. 
Good  Things  for  Sunday  Schools. 

Dialogues,  exercises,  recitations. 
Good  Things  for  Thanksgiving, 

A  gem.  of  a  book. 
Good    Things    for  Washington 

and  Lincoln  Birthdays. 
Little  Folks'  Budget. 

Easy  pieces  to  speak,  songs. 
One   Hundred   Entertainments.  , 

New  parlor  diversions,  socials. 
Patriotic  Celebrations. 

Great  variety  of  material. 
Pictured  Readings  and  Tableaux. 

Entirely  original  features. 
Pranks  and  Pastimes. 

Parlor  games  for  children. 
Shadow  Pictures,  Pantomime** 

Charades,  and  how  to  prepare. 
Tableaux  and  Scenic  Readings. 

New  and  novel;  for  all  ages. 
Twinkling   Fingers   and  Sway- 
ing Figures.   For  little  tots. 
Yuletide  Entertainments. 

A  choice  Christmas  collection. 

MINSTRELS,  JOKES 

The  Biack-Face  Joker. 

Minstrels'  and  end  men's  gags. 
A  Bundle  of  Burnt  Cork  Comedy. 

Monologues,  stump  speeches,  etc. 
Laughland,  via  the  Ha-Ha  Route. 

A  merry  trip  for  fun  tourists. 
Negro  Minstrels, 

All  about  the  business. 
The  New  Jolly  Jester. 

Funny  stories,  jokes,  gags,  etc. 

Larsre  illustrated  Catalogue  Free 


T.S.DENISON  &  COMPANY,Publishers,623  S.Wabash  Ave.,  Chicago 


